Wednesday, January 26

Experiencing OCD

Some time ago my roomie was telling me that she has been seeing some OCD behaviour in me. I didn't give it much thought at that point but in the last few days, her remark came back to my mind. I caught myself being OC today. I looked at my bank account online and saw my balance. I caught myself calculating how much money I have to take out so that the number would be even but didn't do the exact math. I went to the bank to get the money out and then received my new balance. I saw that the amount was still $7 over of what I wanted it to be and started thinking of how I could spend those $7 so that the balance would be what I wanted it to be. That is when I realized what I was doing and how silly it was. Like seriously who cares about if my balance is even or uneven. I figured that I am at a place right now where I don't feel like I have much control and the bank account is something I can control and therefore I am trying to. I found the same thing to be true with the appearance and layout of my blog. I want it to have the perfect font, size of font, colours matching and everything. I guess I do have OCD in me for sure but it is a matter of the situation I am in if it comes out and how strongly. I think it's a coping mechanism for me. Same thing with one of the cupboards that I opened today. I saw that it was a mess and started organizing it, fully knowing that we will be moving in a few days. I think it makes me feel good when I know things are in order and neat. I just found it interesting how I have been realizing how it does affect me.

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