Experiencing OCD

Some time ago my roomie was telling me that she has been seeing some OCD behaviour in me. I didn't give it much thought at that point but in the last few days, her remark came back to my mind. I caught myself being OC today. I looked at my bank account online and saw my balance. I caught myself calculating how much money I have to take out so that the number would be even but didn't do the exact math. I went to the bank to get the money out and then received my new balance. I saw that the amount was still $7 over of what I wanted it to be and started thinking of how I could spend those $7 so that the balance would be what I wanted it to be. That is when I realized what I was doing and how silly it was. Like seriously who cares about if my balance is even or uneven. I figured that I am at a place right now where I don't feel like I have much control and the bank account is something I can control and therefore I am trying to. I found the same thing to be true with the appearance and layout of my blog. I want it to have the perfect font, size of font, colours matching and everything. I guess I do have OCD in me for sure but it is a matter of the situation I am in if it comes out and how strongly. I think it's a coping mechanism for me. Same thing with one of the cupboards that I opened today. I saw that it was a mess and started organizing it, fully knowing that we will be moving in a few days. I think it makes me feel good when I know things are in order and neat. I just found it interesting how I have been realizing how it does affect me.

Moving

This coming Saturday, I will move to a different city and away from the person I have been living with for the past seven years. There are a lot of different emotions going on concerning this move. I am definitely sad about having to move away from this neighborhood but most of all sad about moving apart from my roomie. Having lived together with her for so long, allowed us to be completely transparent with each other and we also have learned to work as a team. She has seen me in my worst and also in my best, we have gone through a lot of things together, that is for sure.

At the same time I am also excited and looking forward to what these next five months will bring. It will be a great opportunity to learn a lot things that I needed to learn for a long time. It will also be a busy time with getting ready for the wedding, graduating, applying for a job and getting things in order for my Canadian citizenship. So one thing is for sure, it will not get boring. I love the people that I am moving in with and I know that it will be okay since I have been sleeping over there numerous times and also been together with them for prolonged periods of time. I guess I just know that I am not doing so great with transitions and that is a little bit frightening. I want to give myself the time to adjust to the new living situation and don't be hard on myself.

Writing about what is going on in my life and how I feel about it, is definitely a stress reliever for me. Just taking the past 15 minutes to just write this blog has relieved me of some stress which is wonderful.

Pots, Pans & Stoves

You know how it is when you are used to a certain sets of pots, pans and your own stove? You know where to set the heat to so that your food doesn't boil over, you know your good and bad pots and pans. You are used to the sounds and smells that come with your kitchen. That all changes when you cook at someone else's house. You have to figure out all of that and it's just another potential for disaster. Well, maybe I am painting the picture a little bit too black but you know what I mean. It just adds another factor of stress that wouldn't be there if you would cook in your own kitchen. Then it also doesn't matter if you burn something into the pan, it's your own stuff and it's your fault if you ruin it, it's an entirely different story if you use someone else's equipment. I am just going to take it one step at a time and will have to be patient with myself.

Red Lentils

Since we'll be moving in a week, I decided to have a look in our cabinets to see what kind food items we have left. I found a whole pack of red lentils and started looking into recipes for it. There is one website for recipes that I found back in November which I found really helpful and easy to use: allrecipes.com  I found this recipe http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Lebanese-Style-Red-Lentil-Soup/Detail.aspx which seemed easy enough for me to try myself in. We didn't have any lemon juice nor cilantro and I had to use green onions. Instead of going for 8 servings I just did half of the recipe, it even calculates the ingredients for you. The only thing you have to do is to enter in the servings that you plan to prepare. I was full of motivation that this would turn out great and would be delicious. I have had lentil soup on numerous occasions from different Shawarma places and always loved it. I used some extra garlic again since I thought the green onions wouldn't be as flavorful as the other onions. Although the recommended cooking time was 30min, my lentils were nice and tender after just 20min even on the lowest setting. I just couldn't resist tasting them and I found them to be just fine after that time. The soup turned out amazing and I cannot wait for my roomie to get home and try it as well!

Getting Started

I decided to face my fear of cooking head on by just going for it. I realized that if I am just cooking for myself it is far less intimidating because I am the only one who has to like and eat it. So I started off with branching of what I just had a few days ago mushrooms in butter and garlic. Since we didn't have any mushrooms at home I decided to go for snow peas instead. I just kept on tasting a snow pea here and there till I found them to be done. I used extra garlic because I just love the taste of it together with vegetables. The end product was really good and I was proud of myself for having made it even without a recipe. I think I used about 4 cloves of garlic and a 3/4 pack of snow peas. I am sure I will make that dish again, I am convinced it would go well with some rice and a good piece of meat. I just ate them like that as a snack and loved it!

The Issue with Cooking

We all have things in our lives that we are afraid of. I think we don't face those fears because we know that it will be messy, painful and hard to change. I have a fear of most things that have to do with cooking and all that is somewhat related to it. Growing up, my mom never let me or my siblings in the kitchen because we would make a mess. Needless to say that it didn't exactly foster my desire to learn how to cook. In school we had to take cooking lessons and my fear carried over and it prevented me from starting from scratch. Rather, I hoped that those lessons would pass as quick as possible with as little damage as possible. Some days I succeeded but most of the time I hated those lessons with a passion. Living in residence, I didn't have to worry about cooking since there was a cafeteria. Every once in a while I was made aware of how little I knew about cooking or baking, it was at those moments that I felt ashamed and didn't want anyone to know. Like I didn't want anyone to realize that I had never baked cookies and that I was afraid of burning them anyways. When my life in residence was done I moved to an apartment with two other girls. We only ever cooked small things like Sidekicks, other noodles and some veggies. We hardly had meat because it was expensive, well except for meatballs which we stuck in the microwave. So, for the past 5 years I have been able to get by without much cooking. Every once in a while I would get a burst of confidence and whip something up and for the most part it didn't turn out badly. My fear of failing was crippling me though and held me back from being more adventuresome.

2011

It's unbelievable but 2011 is just days away. When I think about the coming year my thoughts go automatically to all the changes that are awaiting me. They are exciting and at the same time I know they will take some time to get used to. I have always been one to journal especially when there is lots going on in my life. Since I know this will happen soon enough, I thought I might as well start writing now :)

Starting in January I will move to a different city and away from the person I have been living with for 6 years. At the same time I will move in with a great family and know that living with them for 5 months will teach me many useful things. I will also start my last course of my Master's in January. I cannot wait to graduate in May and finally leave the chapter of school behind me. The biggest event and change of my life this coming year will happen on July 9 when I will get married.

As time moves on I will comment on how these different parts of my life will plan out. It's so funny, 2011 seems to be just around the corner but just because it's 2011 and not 2010 it seems so far away at the same time. I am telling myself, "I will start packing in 2011, or I will get my resume fixed up in 2011". I just want this year to end and then I will head into the changes once 2011 hits.